Tremblez mais osez!

Tremblez mais osez!

Tremblez mais osez est un ouvrage de développement personnel écrit par Susan Juffers; dans le but de nous aider à identifier nos peurs (la peur de prendre la décision, de changer de travail; de se lancer dans un projet, de demander une augmentation, de mettre fin à une relation…);  et à les surmonter pour agir et ne plus subir.

L’auteur a mis au point des techniques permettant de découvrir comment prendre une décision et faire le bon choix; et ce, grâce à son approche et aux différents exercices proposés visant essentiellement à développer une plus grande confiance personnelle pour dépasser la peur; reprendre le pouvoir dans les différentes sphères de leur vie, et ainsi accéder à plus d’épanouissement et de bonheur. Dans cet article, je vous présenterai les idées principales de ce livre. Prenez un café et commencez à lire:

Imaginez !

Imaginez que nous ayons un microscope; et nous y mettons de la peur, toute sorte de peur; par exemple, votre peur des endroits surpeuplés et de faire de nouveaux amis.

Lorsque nous regardons la peur sans le microscope, seule son histoire visible apparaît. (Position externe) Par exemple, vous avez peur de vous faire de nouveaux amis, c’est votre peur (apparente). Mais lorsque nous examinons profondément la peur, nous constatons que la raison derrière cela est une position interne et non des positions externes; au cœur de toute peur, il y a une peur plus profonde.

Cette peur la plus profonde consiste en un message qui dit: « Je ne pourrai pas affronter une telle situation », c’est-à-dire un profond sentiment de méfiance et de non confiance.

D’où vient la peur?

Par exemple, votre peur d’apprendre à connaître des gens et de vous faire des amis découle de votre peur de ne pas pouvoir faire face au rejet ou aux relations avec les gens. De même, votre peur de changer d’emploi découle de votre peur de ne pas être en mesure de gérer la recherche d’un nouvel emploi. Votre peur de perdre des êtres chers ou de mettre fin à une relation découle de votre peur de ne pas pouvoir vivre sans eux.

Lorsque vous gérez la peur, commencez par la partie cachée; pas la partie externe, car si vous ne traitez que la partie virtuelle (apparente), vous n’atteindrez aucune solution.

La première vérité sur la peur (Exemple du manque de l’argent)

Si vous essayez de gérer sa partie virtuelle (la peur du manque d’argent), cela signifie que vous essayez de l’éliminer en accumulant de l’argent. Mais si vous le faites, vous découvrirez que vous n’êtes pas parvenu à la sécurité non plus, et votre sentiment de peur continuera. Vous devriez augmenter votre confiance lorsque vous procédez à la gestion de quelque chose de nouveau dans votre vie.

Dans ce cas, vous ne serez pas inquiet de perdre de l’argent parce que vous avez développé un sentiment de contrôle sur les situations, et ce fut la première vérité sur la peur. Vous ne pouvez pas vous en débarrasser?! Continuons

La deuxième vérité: 

Cette vérité dit que faire face à la peur est moins difficile que de coexister avec lui. c’est-à-dire, les gens qui acceptent la peur dans leur vie se comportent de manière à pouvoir éviter leurs peurs. De cette façon, ils essaient de trouver un sentiment de sécurité; mais ce faisant, ils fournissent leur sentiment de peur.

Ainsi, il n’est pas étonnant que les gens refusant de prendre des risques et des responsabilités et vivent avec la peur; ont en eux un plus grand sentiment de peur que celui que les risques leur apporteraient, s’ils s’y tenaient.

La troisième vérité

Elle dit que le vrai problème n’a rien à voir avec la peur en soi, mais dans la façon dont on la comprend. La preuve est que certaines personnes agissent en fonction de leur peur; c’est-à-dire, elles font de la peur le moteur et la motivation qui les amènent à réaliser ce qu’elles veulent tandis que d’autres demeurent en état d’impuissance.

Quoi faire:

Le secret pour faire face à la peur est de changer votre perception envers elle. Dans ce cas, votre sentiment de peur n’aura plus d’importance. N’essayez pas de vous empêcher d’avoir peur, mais essayez d’en changer la vision. Familiarisez-vous en sortant de votre zone de confort.

Nous nous déplaçons tous dans une zone qui nous met à l’aise. E lorsque nous essayons de nous en sortir, nous ressentons un sentiment d’inconfort. Si vous vous contrôlez, vous constaterez que vous agissez dans des limites habituelles.

Agissez et lancez-vous dans l’aventure, c’est seulement après que vous vous sentirez mieux dans votre peau. En provoquant un événement, vous faites coup double. D’une part vous éloignez la peur qui vous paralysait, mais vous obtenez une chose sans doute plus précieuse encore: vous gagnez en assurance. Après avoir surmonté une épreuve et vous être libéré de votre peur, vous vous sentirez bien. Je parierais même que dans l’euphorie de ce succès, vous aurez envie de vous attaquer à un nouvel obstacle. Et là, devinez la suite! La peur reviendra vous étriller alors que vous vous apprêtiez à relever ce nouveau défi. Etrange? Non, rien que de très normal en vérité. Souvenez-vous: comme je vous l’ai déjà dit, la peur a l’insidieuse particularité de s’infiltrer partout.

Par exemple: 

Vous pouvez aller à un restaurant ordinaire pour manger seul, mais si vous allez seul dans un restaurant très cher, vous vous sentirez mal à l’aise. Ainsi, vous pouvez être prêt à faire de l’amitié avec ceux qui vous entourent au bureau et qui sont de votre niveau; mais vous vous sentirez mal à l’aise lorsque vous le ferez avec des personnes au-dessus de vous.

Surveillez les comportements simples similaires à ceux-ci car ils indiquent les limites de votre zone de confort. La zone de confort est le cadre sur lequel nous prenons nos décisions; alors faites quelque chose chaque jour pour l’étendre:

  • Par exemple, appelez quelqu’un que vous aviez peur d’appeler.
  • Achetez des chaussures plus chères qu’auparavant.
  • Demandez quelque chose que vous aviez peur de demander auparavant.
  • Prenez de petits ou gros risques au moins une fois par jour.

Plus vous sortirez de votre zone de confort, plus vous deviendrez fort. Avec l’augmentation de votre force, votre confiance augmentera et votre peur diminuera.

Que vous le vouliez ou non .. c’est pour vous!

La quatrième vérité

Elle consiste à se débarrasser de la mentalité de la victime. La mentalité de la victime est très intelligente et elle peut se cacher sous différentes formes.

Imaginez, par exemple, une personne avec un excellent travail qui l’a fait de ses propres efforts et qui gagne beaucoup d’argent; plus,elle est indépendante de toute personne! Elle pensera donc qu’elle est très loin d’adopter la mentalité de la victime!.

Mais, elle vit dans un état de tension constante, elle est indépendante dans sa vie, alors, psychologiquement, elle ne l’est pas.

Son sentiment constant de tension voit qu’il est causé par les erreurs des autres et non par elle même; et elle croit que la solution pour mieux vivre sa vie est d’amener les gens à changer leur comportement. Si:

  • Vous faites quelque chose que vous détestez.
  • Que ta vie est ennuyeuse.
  • Quelqu’un te dérange.
  • Ou quoi que ce soit dans votre vie qui ne va pas bien.

Si vous pensez que c’est à cause de quelqu’un d’autre que vous, vous jouez le rôle de la victime.

Il ne serait pas étrange de se sentir intimidé, les victimes sont impuissantes!

Comment réagir devant le rôle de la victime?

D’abord, soyez conscient des avantages que la personnalité de la victime vous procure. Une fois que vous vous en rendez compte, vos comportements auront plus de sens pour vous.

Imaginez une fille qui est gênée de son travail et qui veut le quitter. Si elle aime se plonger dans sa pensée, elle se retrouvera jouer le rôle de la victime; car elle se dit que ce qui l’empêche de prendre la décision de quitter le travail, c’est que le marché d’emploi lui-même est mauvais.

Sa pensée lui offre un grand degré de sécurité; car elle est dans sa situation actuelle (qui est la plainte de travailler sans chercher un nouvel emploi). et elle ne sera pas confrontée au rejet auquel toute personne à la recherche de travail devra naturellement confronter, et elle ne remettra pas en cause sa compétence. Ce sont les avantages que procure la mentalité de la victime!

Si cette fille faisait attention à elle; elle se rendrait compte qu’elle a choisi de rester dans son travail à cause de ces résultats et non à cause des justifications qu’elle se disait. Alors sa chance serait plus grande pour s’affronter (elle même) et surmonter sa peur.

Comment prenez-vous une décision qui n’entraîne pas de perte?

La cinquième vérité

Il s’agit de la peur de se tromper. Faire des erreurs est l’une des plus grandes choses qui nous empêche d’avancer dans notre vie et de nous faire peur. La solution est donc:  construire un modèle « sans perte ».

Par exemple, vous avez peur de prendre une décision :

  • Pour terminer et continuer votre travail.
  • Ou pour passer à un nouvel emploi.

Et vous sentez le poids du choix sur vous parce que vous avez peur de perdre. Mais que se passe-t-il si vous pensez de cette façon? J’ai maintenant deux choix:

Le premier choix :

J’irais au nouvel emploi, là je rencontrerais de nouvelles personnes et ce serait une nouvelle expérience pour moi. Et dans le pire des cas; si je ne réussis pas dans ce travail, je serai en mesure de confronter la situation, et je trouverais un autre nouvel emploi. Même si cette tentative échoue, ce sera une expérience passionnante pour moi; et j’apprendrais d’elle comment faire face à la perte d’emploi et résoudre les problèmes que je rencontre si je deviens sans emploi.

Le deuxième choix:

Pour rester dans mon emploi actuel, j’aurais l’occasion d’approfondir mes relations. Quant à la nouvelle offre, cela augmenterait mon sentiment que je suis requis et d’obtenir des offres d’emploi; et je peux demander une promotion; alors même si ma candidature n’est pas acceptée, je trouverai une deuxième opportunité et la suivrai.

Les gens qui vivent la vie de cette façon, et comme les options sont plus faciles pour eux. Donc, rester avec eux devient vraiment amusant. Afin de construire ce modèle sans perte, vous devez repenser vos résultats et opportunités, et changer votre façon de penser sur la sécurité et la perte.

La sécurité consiste à quoi?

La sécurité ne consiste pas à posséder des choses, mais à être en mesure de gérer les choses. Vous ne vous sentirez pas en sécurité lorsque vous aurez suffisamment d’argent pour toute votre vie; mais vous vous sentirez en sécurité lorsque vous aurez la conviction que peu importe combien d’argent vous perdez; vous pourrez en apporter plus et vous pourrez y faire face.

Si vous pouvez adopter ce point de vue, vous serez en mesure de faire face à des situations de la vie; tout en étant confiant que vous ne perdrez rien. Car votre perte n’est pas matérielle en premier lieu et la peur de votre vie sera dissipée. Jusqu’où trouvez-vous votre vie entière « complète »?

La sixième vérité

Elle consiste à gérer les fondements de notre existence. Considérez les deux exemples suivants:

Exemple 1: Un directeur général dans une grande entreprise – prospère – son identité est liée à son entreprise; pour lui, son travail est toute sa vie.

Exemple 2: Une femme dont les enfants sont toute sa vie, et elle se considère comme une bonne mère.

La chose commune entre eux est le sens extrême du besoin – je parie que la plupart d’entre nous sont liés sur le plan émotionnel à une chose; et nous voyons que toute notre vie dépend de la présence de cette connexion. Si cette chose a disparu; cela vaut notre inexistence, et c’est très dangereux – lier la vie à une chose est l’une des raisons de la peur. Votre vie est censée être riche et pas toutes liée à une partie de ce que vous faites dans votre vie.

Le problème est que nous n’apprenons pas la leçon!

Par exemple, vous êtes lié à quelque chose dans le passé, vous l’avez perdu et vous avez tant souffert de sa perte. Que ferez-vous maintenant après l’avoir perdu?

Au lieu de repenser votre comportement et de rendre votre vie complète, sans dépendre d’une seule chose; vous constaterez que vous rechercherez une alternative à cette chose que vous avez perdue et que vous y relierez toute votre vie!. Hochez simplement la tête et dites: Oui.

La septième vérité : Dire oui

J’ai une image dans ma tête et je veux que les choses se passent selon cette image; mais, parfois les choses ne se passent pas comme je le souhaite et les choses se produisent de façon inattendue.

Quand je dis «non» à des choses inattendues, cela me fatiguera de plus en plus; car «non» entraînera une douleur de rejet et me donnera une sensation de faiblesse. Mais quand je dis «oui» à tout ce qui m’arrive; je serai en mesure de m’adapter à ce qui se passe, et j’agirai par force, pas par faiblesse.

L’idée de ne pas accepter les éventualités crée la peur, mais il n’y a jamais de peur en acceptant complètement tout ce qui se passe.

J’espère que cet article vous a montré quelques pistes à suivre pour dissiper votre peur. Maintenant, je voudrais savoir quelles sont vos peurs? De quoi vous avez peur? Est-ce que vous jouez le rôle de victime?. vous avez encore le temps pour agir, n’attendez pas. Commencez immédiatement.


About Kamal bagam

Bienvenue sur le site de kamal bagam, titulaire de master en droit des affaires, intéressé et chercheur en développement humain.

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