vaincre la timidité
source: https://ligue-enseignement.be/

Aider votre fils à vaincre la timidité

Aider votre fils à vaincre la timidité

Cet article a été écrit par « Julie Mitchell » une contributrice de PolicyGenius, sous le titre : »13 Simple Ways Parents Can Help Their Children Overcome Shyness » (13 façons simples pour aider leur enfants à vaincre la timidité)

Elle présente pas mal de conseils sur comment aider un enfant timide. (Pour moi, la timidité est un signe de la bonté de cette personne; mais, au regard de ses conséquences néfastes, la timidité est un destructeur de notre petit bonheur). Je vous laisse avec l’article, commençons:

 »    Il est important de noter que la timidité n’est pas la même chose que l’introversion, même si elles sont souvent regroupées. « Jolie Mitchell », enseignante et mère, explique que  les introvertis n’hésitent pas à travailler seuls; ont tendance à préférer un cercle d’amis plus restreint et aiment observer et réfléchir avant de sauter dans des situations. Une personne timide voudra peut-être travailler avec d’autres personnes, avoir un grand groupe d’amis et rejoindre un parti sans retenue ; mais il s’inquiète de le faire.

Donc, si votre enfant veut clairement rejoindre ce que font les autres enfants, mais se sent stressé ou trop embarrassé pour essayer ; c’est probablement de la timidité et il y a des choses que vous pouvez faire pour l’aider à s’en sortir.

1. Préparez-les à de nouvelles situations

La timidité est le plus souvent déclenchée dans de nouvelles situations avec des personnes inconnues. Les enfants timides n’ont pas tendance à aimer les surprises ou à se faire «surgir» dans de nouveaux environnements. Parlez à vos enfants ; à l’avance, de nouvelles situations et dites-leur à quoi s’attendre.

2. Si possible, les acclimater lentement

Il est facile d’être submergé dans de nouvelles situations. Si vous sentez que votre enfant aura beaucoup à accueillir – de nouvelles personnes, un nouvel endroit; une nouvelle routine – il peut être utile de la présenter tôt pour qu’elle ait le temps de s’adapter et de se sentir à l’aise. Dans ce cas:

  • Amenez-les à la rencontre des enseignants et découvrez de nouveaux espaces avant de commencer un cours.
  • Organisez des rencontres discrètes avec un ou deux nouveaux camarades de classe avant le début des cours pour qu’ils aient un copain dès le premier jour.
  • Faites un jeu de rôle pour rencontrer de nouveaux amis ou demander l’aide de l’enseignant.
3. Encouragez-les à communiquer leurs sentiments

Tout comme les adultes, beaucoup d’enfants ne voudront pas parler (ou ne savent pas comment parler) de sentiments inconfortables. Si votre enfant ne peut pas vous dire comment il se sent, encouragez la communication en lui confiant une tâche à accomplir ; ou en lui faisant parler d’un personnage factice dans une situation similaire.

Demandez-lui de dessiner ses peurs; d’écrire l’histoire d’une petite fille lors de son premier jour d’école maternelle…

4. Ne qualifiez pas votre enfant de timide

Je l’avais déjà fait auparavant et même alors que je le faisais, j’ai pensé: « Je ne devrais pas le faire. » Alors, si votre enfant hésite dans une situation, ne dites pas à l’enseignant ou à d’autres enfants: « Il/Elle est timide ». Cela peut être gênant et déroutant pour votre enfant et le laisse se demander: « C’est quoi timide? Est-ce un problème avec moi? Cela peut aussi devenir une excuse pour votre enfant. « Je suis timide, donc je n’ai pas à essayer de nouvelles choses ni être poli. »

5. Encouragez-les à rester polis malgré leurs peurs

J’essaie d’apprendre à mes enfants que même s’ils sont nerveux ou mal à l’aise, ils peuvent rester polis. Si un adulte ou un enfant dit bonjour à ma fille; je m’attends à ce qu’elle le salue en retour (même si elle se cache derrière ma jambe pendant qu’elle le dit). Je m’attends également à ce qu’elle prononce son nom quand on le lui demande ; et dise merci quand quelqu’un lui propose quelque chose.

Je pense qu’il y a une ligne de démarcation entre permettre à nos enfants d’avoir des limites et permettre à nos enfants d’être impolis. Je ne fais aucune faveur à ma fille en la laissant se gâter en réponse à un bonjour amical. Je sais que se faire des amis est ce qui facilitera sa transition dans de nouvelles situations; et personne ne se fait des amis en étant impoli – même si l’impolitesse est un prolongement de la timidité.

7. Ne les laisse jamais te voir transpirer

Votre propre anxiété face à l’anxiété de votre enfant ne fait qu’aggraver le problème. D’après mon expérience, les enfants timides ont tendance à être des enfants sensibles et ceux-ci sont très sensibles à l’énergie des autres ; en particulier à celle de leurs parents. Par conséquent,  si vous êtes stressé, ils sont stressés.

Cela signifie que nous devons faire de notre mieux pour avoir l’air détendus et ne pas faire grand problème à partir de nouvelles situations. Si notre enfant se lève, nous devons nous ouvrir et rester calmes.

7. Louez-les et corrigez-les en privé

Les enfants timides ne veulent pas être le centre d’attention, que ce soit pour le meilleur ou pour le pire. Si vous trouvez que votre enfant est embarrassé ; même lorsque vous le complimentez devant les autres, arrêtez. Faites en sorte que vos compliments soient courts et occasionnels ou conservez vos éloges lorsque vous êtes seul.

Et, sauf si votre enfant commet un acte atroce de comportement égaré en public (ce que les enfants timides font rarement parce qu’ils ne veulent pas de l’attention), sauvegardez vos corrections de comportement pour le retour à la maison.

8. Ne soyez pas en retard

Si vous transportez votre enfant à un cours d’une heure, une fête ou une journée entière à l’école ; votre enfant s’acclimatera mieux en étant l’un des premiers à arriver au lieu d’être le dernier.

C’est aussi stressant pour eux quand les parents sont en retard pour les chercher. Ils sont nerveux à l’idée d’être le centre d’attention et ils sont gênés qu’un enseignant ou un autre adulte attendent près de lui. Alors ne soyez pas surpris si vous obtiendrez froidement son épaule quand vous êtes un peu en retard pour aller chercher votre enfant.

9. Donnez-leur un appui

Lorsque cela est autorisé, laissez votre enfant prendre un jouet qu’il peut montrer et en parler à d’autres enfants. C’est un tampon, une amorce de conversation facile et une chose sur laquelle il faut se concentrer. Cela peut également apaiser leur anxiété d’avoir quelque chose de familier dans leurs mains.

10. Aidez à limiter le sujet ou offrez une alternative plus confortable

Après des années d’enseignement de la danse, j’ai appris un truc: si je mettais de la musique et disais: « C’est une danse libre. Dansez comme vous le souhaitez »; il y aura au moins un étudiant qui restera là juste pour une chanson entière. Mais si je donne aux enfants un ruban avec lequel danser ou une émotion à représenter, tous les étudiants se mettrons à danser librement.

Une simple instruction ou restriction aide les enfants timides à se concentrer, au lieu de les submerger d’options. Lors des rencontres, commencez immédiatement une activité et encouragez les enfants à se joindre à eux au lieu de se regarder bizarrement les uns les autres de la porte d’entrée.

Sur le chemin de l’école, aidez votre fils à décider de quelle activité il va jouer pendant son temps libre afin qu’il ait un plan. « Vas-tu jouer avec des blocs ou avec Play-Dough aujourd’hui? »

Si quelqu’un pose une question à votre enfant à propos de l’école, aidez à préciser le sujet. « Oh, dis-lui ce que tu as fait en cours d’art aujourd’hui. » Ou, si quelqu’un demande à votre enfant de le prendre dans ses bras, proposez plutôt un coup de poing…

11. Un bon professeur est votre meilleur partenaire

Les classes et les sports offrent aux enfants un moyen discret de socialiser, car l’accent n’est pas mis sur la socialisation. Ils se concentrent sur le football ou la peinture et l’interaction avec les autres enfants est secondaire.

Les bons enseignants et entraîneurs savent exactement comment aider les enfants timides à faire la transition. Et, croyez-le ou non, ce n’est pas toujours mieux pour vous d’être le tampon. J’ai vu beaucoup d’enfants timides s’acclimater plus rapidement sans leurs parents. Suivez donc les conseils d’un enseignant s’il vous dit que c’est mieux pour vous de quitter la pièce.

12. Donnez à votre enfant des cours d’arts du spectacle

Il peut sembler totalement paradoxal de placer un enfant timide dans une classe d’acteur, mais de nombreux enfants timides excellent sur scène ; parce qu’ils agissent comme quelqu’un d’autre. Ils jouent un personnage et pas eux-mêmes. Cela enlève la pression.

En tant que professeur et mère de famille, j’ai vu des cours de théâtre, de danse et de musique aider énormément les enfants timides. L’improvisation est une compétence particulièrement utile car elle encourage la confiance en soi et le sens de l’humour.

13. Laissez-les faire ce qu’ils excellent

Aidez votre enfant à trouver son truc (quelque chose qui le passionne). Je l’ai souvent vu dans les arts, mais je suis sûr que cela s’applique aussi au sport et à d’autres activités.

Lorsqu’un enfant aime chanter ; il est plus facile de socialiser dans un cours de musique parce qu’il se sent à l’aise avec lui-même et qu’il a quelque chose en commun avec les autres enfants de la classe.

Il y a des clubs de construction de Lego, des camps de karaté, des cours d’immersion linguistique, des ateliers d’art ; des écoles de musique, des ligues sportives locales, des théâtres communautaires – autant d’options pour trouver quelque chose qui passionne nos enfants. Et si une opportunité n’est pas déjà offerte près de chez vous, vous pouvez la lancer vous-même ou la trouver en ligne.

Nous pouvons donner à nos enfants de nombreux outils pour les aider à surmonter leur timidité et à être courageux, audacieux et fier d’eux-mêmes. Ensuite, nous devons seulement trouver comment surmonter nos propres peurs ».

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Exprimer votre amour à votre enfant

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